Europeans don't date the way Americans date. They all hang out as friends and then slowly two people gravitate toward each other. The divorce rates in Europe are much lower than they are in the United States. Europeans understand the three types of love: philo, eros and agape. Friendship (philo) is a tremendous foundation for marriage.
Relationships between two people who are immediately attracted (eros) to each other are often a flash in the pan. Those hot and heavy emotional roller coasters can leave behind a damaged soul. There are other aspects that can damage too. Trauma from dysfunctional relationships within the family as well as trauma from extraordinary events can also leave behind scars.
Healthy relationships don't happen immediately – they take time and hard work. Believing that you deserve a healthy relationship can be the first step. Finding someone that isn't afraid of hard work is a large part of the battle. Developing a friendship and trust is a foundation that can be built upon.
Healthy relationships validate us. Healthy relationships reinforce our confidence. Healthy relationships heal. Feeling love can mitigate those scars and start to smooth them. Feeling loved can remove them entirely. Delaying physical bonding can also be healing. Once a relationship has grown sufficiently through the friendship stage the eros stage can begin with fullness and healing qualities.
Few couples ever experience agape but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be sought. Agape is the deep abiding love that comes through the testing of a relationship over time. Agape is the unconditional love of two people who know each other's faults and choose to overlook them. Agape is the love that two people have for each other and they will do anything to keep the team safe.
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